To: You
From: Me
Date: 07/08/22
Class: Life
Mood: Unbothered
Song: Bag Lady ~ Erykah B.
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While organizing my garage I found a bag full of letters my friends and I used to pass each other in the hallways between classes. I died laughing while reading them because the conversations we would have should have neverrrr been written down, it was the ignorance for me. I had a flashback to the time my mama found a few of my letters when I was a teenager. Best believe she busted in my room and read them back to me out loud and gave me a look like, “this you?!…” Baby, the way I criedddd and lieddddd knowing damn well she knew that was my handwriting.
It’s crazy how time flies, when I read these letters again as an adult I was immersed in the nostalgia of Chinese slippers, rat tail combs, wrapping my hair every night, sneaking off campus with my friends in my green ‘98 Cutlass Supreme, CD players, Boomboxes, MP3 players and cassette tapes, hiding Zane books in my backpack so my parents wouldn’t find them…ALL the feels.
Writing letters to your friends in school was about so much more than just escaping your annoying ass Social Studies teacher’s lectures, or trying not to be engulphed by The Itis after lunch…it was how we communicated when we didn’t always have classes together, or our opportunity to speak freely about things that we couldn’t talk about on the phone at home. If ya mama was nosey like mine she was always in ear shot. Writing letters was a major form of communication, truly a lost art.
As we’ve grown and are unfortunately adulting, I view time with my Day Ones similarly to when we didn’t have enough classes together. If only we could buy time. Shoutout to those of you who are able to juggle adulting, full-time careers, children, relationships, self-care and can still fit in talking on the phone for hours and hanging with your friends often. Yall are the real MVPs. Please note though that for some of us, it’s not that we don’t want to “K.I.T.” but when we say “T.T.Y.L.” it’s usually heavy on that L because free time is scarce. Thankfully I have friends who understand that my whole life is on DND, but the minute I get a second to breathe we pick up where we left off and the energy is always copacetic.
Sometimes I wish it was still just as simple as zoning out during class after lunch and penning my friends a letter like back in the day, so I decided to do that.
To my friends, followers, and ex’s who fumbled the bag yet are still watchin’…
Enjoy.
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To: You
From: Me
Date: 07/08/22
Class: Life
Mood: Unbothered
Song: H.O.E. - Jhene’
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Why do break ups have to be viewed as such a negative thing?
I kicked off 2022 by ending a relationship that lasted a little more than 2 years. Most people’s first reaction is to feel remorse for a couple that didn’t make it, but why? All relationships aren’t destined to end with Happily Ever After by Case playing in the background. Some relationships are simply an experience to prepare you for the next, and that’s ok. 7 months later and I know I made the right decision.
He and I were really good friends for at least 6 years before we even dated. I never date my friends, but this man must have been in the friend zone plotting and waiting for his time to shine …and it worked.
I’m all about being “friends first” and although this is sometimes my go-to line when I am trying to gracefully curve a gentleman who is ready to cuff prematurely, it’s also something I genuinely live by. Friendship is thee foundation.
He caught me when I was vulnerable right after I had finally decided to end a congenial 2 year Situationship with my sneaky link. On top of that, the Pandemic was turning up, the City was locked down, and we couldn’t go outside anymore so Hot Girl Dee had no choice but to cool down.
This “friend” had always checked in on me throughout our 6 years of friendship, but honestly it was a good day if he even got a text back once he moved to ATL. I never even considered him as an option, I don’t do long distance relationships and he and I both had been dating other people.
It was crazy because after I ended that Situationship he coincidentally hit me up the next day to check in. I remember him saying he was checking on me because Ms.Rona was really doing the most and taking people out. We caught up on old times and started to reconnect throughout the next few weeks.
Before I knew it, he had swooped in from the friend zone and hit me with the “you need a man like me…” game. I curved with kindness initially, but he was hella persistent and began applying pressure as soon as he knew I wasn’t distracted by another man anymore. I didn’t think much of it because everybody was getting them a lil Rona Boo to keep them company during this never ending pandemic.
Baby….next thing I knew, a month later this man was on a flight from ATL to HOU and professing his love to me… he was about that action, and one thing I love is a man who loveeeee them some me.
He was the complete opposite of my sneaky link and one of the little voices in my head was like “girl this is just what you need…” (why that voice be lyin to us like that unprovoked?). Shortly after that visit he told me, “I’m moving to Houston for you!”
That’s when I got nervous… because sir… what? …you gotta chill…but he then hit me with the, “I know what I want in a woman and it’s you…” speech and after dealing with a MFer who seemed to not know what he wanted for so long, it was a breath of fresh air to hear a man speak so confidently. Besides, it wasn’t like he was about to move in with me, he was getting his own place.
Fast forward —-> he moves out here into his new spot and we enjoyed about 2 years of our relationship. We were genuinely happy for the majority of our time together… it was good love, but everything isn’t meant to last forever.
I have no regrets, only lessons learned… but the tables started to shake when he wanted more and I wasn’t ready. I like to take things slow, but he was ready to propose…
I know a lot of the girlies would have been jumping for joy because they just want to be married, but I am not one of them. When I do decided to get married, I want to be HAPPILY married and I wasn’t 100% sure yet if that was what we would have… or if I even was ready. Marriage ain’t no joke.
I had to really think about if I would be happy spending the rest of my life with this man. In many ways he was great. He had a successful career and many of the qualities that I enjoy in a man…but as the 2 years together got closer to 3, I began longing for qualities that he just didn’t possess, no matter how hard he tried. Meanwhile I just couldn’t live without those qualities, no matter how hard I tried.
I never want to feel like I’m missing out on anything in a relationship that I need… not because I want a perfect man, but because I don’t want to be unfaithful in the long run (we being honest over here baby). Worse than being unfaithful, I know from experience that staying when it’s over only makes things worse.
So when word got back to me that he was preparing for a Christmas proposal last year, I had an honest conversation with him and let him know that I wasn’t ready… and nothing was the same after that. His pride and ego were understandably hurt and he switched all the way up.
Companionship is a Hell of a drug….but I am a real H.O.E. for Happiness… like… It’s really Happiness Over Everything for me. I’ve seen too many unhappy marriages fall apart after years of pretending, and there’s nothing more depressing than watching two people holding on when the love is gone.
I am the typical Cancerian Woman when it comes to loving with everything in me, but I am not afraid to walk away once the seasons change. Letting go can be exceedingly hurtful, but it’s so necessary when you know the relationship isn’t progressing.
When it’s time to go, I wanna get tf on. Or whatever Caresha said.
Next week’s letter: Situationships & Shit.
Thoughts? Comments? Wanna know more? Write me back. deeunbothered1@gmail.com